That’s not a boundary!

I wanted to share why I started building these new courses I’ve been working on lately. The inspiration came from a very unlikely source, someone who I now have no contact with, and who will likely never see this. 

You see, my journey has been messy. Many of you know this. And during the last few years of my marriage, in particular, I made some pretty big mistakes. 

As my foundation grew shaky, I began speaking and acting from my insecurities, trauma, and survival mechanisms rather than really sitting with myself and understanding where it all was coming from. It is not easy to admit to yourself your marriage is on shaky ground, trust me. 

During a particularly messy poly situation, I found myself sitting down with my (then) husband and his partner. Things had not been going well. I hadn’t yet accepted and understood that our issues were internal, as opposed to external. As we tried to “reason” with his partner, who had been sort of attacking me for his lack of space and capacity for her for a while, she looked at me at one point and said something that changed my path entirely. 

“That is NOT a boundary. You can’t tell me what to do!” 

It took me a while to get through my own anger and big feelings to really sit with what she said that day. But I did. And I began to really dig in. I started reading up on boundaries. I signed up for a (pretty shitty) online course. I made it my mission to improve the way I was treating others, and more importantly the way I was treating myself. 

Fast forward to now. I’ve grown up a lot since then. I have been trying to be brutally honest with myself as much as I can. 

I left my first real “poly partner” because he was not honoring my boundaries.

I stepped away from my marriage, and thus became a far better and stronger co-parent to our son. 

I repaired old relationships where I thought the bridges were burned forever.

I left friendships that were not leaving me feeling safe, whole, and respected. 

And now, I’m trying to bring this to others. 

I decided to show you folks what I am doing with this short, totally free little piece of micro-learning. You don’t even have to sign up for my newsletter to get this one, I want to share it with others, including you, because I TRULY think it’s helpful. 

I want to do this as a sort of apology for those who I mistreated along my own healing journey. As a way to step forward, and as a way to start to help others avoid some of the pitfalls I fell into along the way. 

CLICK HERE FOR “THAT’S NOT A BOUNDARY!” - it is browser based, easy to do on your mobile device, and only takes a few minutes to complete. 

Let me know what you think, what topics you’d like to see in the future, and feel free to share if that feels right to you.

And thank you, to that woman who will likely never see this, for changing my path in the strangest of ways.

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